Hi guys! How are you doing today ? I hope you are all doing well.
Today is a little different one. Maybe is the fact that in two weeks am gonna be 30 ,or the fact that this year has been a complete shit show ,to use a euphemism ,but I want to start making some changes in my life (story of mi life).
These sounds like total obvious words ,used and abused I am well aware of it and thank god, in this time we are far more aware of mental health and how much it is important but I want to create a little rubrica ,a little space here on my blog where we can talk about it and if we don’t want to talk about it ,you just need to know you are heard ,you feel loved ,even by a stranger like me.
It doesn’t matter where love come from ,the more important factor is the fact that it is pure and without seconds motives.
As I have already said ,I am going trough a fase of changing in my life ,after being a doctor and have done that for all of my life I find myself being less and less happy every years and that has to stop.
This scares me because I feel ashamed and alone and without direction but I am trying to see things as a new beginning ,a new opportunity a new life . At least I will try to make myself way more happy than what I have done since today .
All of these thought has lead me to making this little blogpost about how me ,but I think we all are ,way too mean to ourself. I know for sure I am towards myself .
Every time I think about doing something ,dreaming something being a new start for me ,I can’t even reach the point of having the thought that I am already shitting myself with awful words.
How am I supposed to be loved if I can’t even treat myself the way I deserved . How am I supposed to be happy if everything I dream of I stop myself ,how am I supposed to act and make a difference in my life if every time I take a step I pull my body back.
Don’t get me wrong ,I don’t want to be here writing words that can be read as Toni Robbinson’s motivational speeches, because those are dangerous words in the wrong minds. I want to try to talk about depression and kindness towards our mind regardless of who we are or who we want to become.
And that’s requires a lots of work , therapy ,self talk ,making mistakes . That is the dirty road but I guess it is all worthy in the end.
The first step I want to take in this journey ,even before of putting out there what I want or who I want to become or what I want to create ,is to stop those horrible thoughts of hate towards myself .
Sometimes I would just think about how I could go and take a run ,and without even realizing it 30 seconds later I would having thoughts like “don’t even bother go running ,you just sucks ,you don’t even loose weight ,you are old …” I could go on and on and on .
It is an active exercise ,to recognize our coping mechanism ,and stop them in moment we create them .
It is a difficult one ,way more than what it may seems and it take a good knowledge of our self ,our needs ,or mind. We need to take contact with our self ,with what we are and although it seems like such lame phrase ,it is so fucking true and I spent too many years of my life ,trying to accomplish the expectation of others on me. And that is something I have to acknowledge and be responsible for. It is a mistake I made towards myself ,towards my mental health . Towards my future self I want to be easy and gentle ,to let her feel free ,to let her thrive and bloom in which way she wants .
Honestly I could spent the rest of the day talking about how I let myself be scared of what other people think ,of the blog ,of the insta ,of how silly and frilly this new world I am stepping into seems but it will be a chat for another blogpost.
I am giving myself a good hug when I accomplish something and after that , move on . Even those days where I can’t even get out of bed ,taking out the trash is a goal and I am thanking myself in my mind for waking up ,for taking a shower ,for doing 10 minutes of exercises and so on .
It is something I encourage you to do with me ,step by step and since actively doing it ,I notice how many times in a day I do that to myself and hating ourself can’t make us a better persone.
I would love to create a nice love and secure space to talk about this topic in the comment section and feel free to say your ideas and opinions .
I also will link this little video I find super cute and helpful from time to time . https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=msqXfSnEi4w
I will see you soon folks! Take care ,always .